I wish I could say that I never struggled with my weight, but I'd be lying through my almost perfectly straight teeth. I was a chubby child until high school, when I joined sports, ate somewhat healthier, and enjoyed the company of my friends doing what normal teenagers do (before technology took over). I never had an eating disorder, I just tried to not over indulge on fast food and my achilles, sweets. I weighed about 125 back then and thought I was chunky for my size. Looking back at old pictures, oh, how I missed being that thin and fit. In my early 20's I seemed to hover around the 128 pound mark. I blame being on birth control, which helped with my irregular and painful periods.
Flash forward to meeting and marrying my husband. After our wedding, I found myself putting me on the back burner while I got my house in order while working full-time as a hairstylist. I put on 20 pounds that year. Wow! 6 months after our 1 year anniversary, my gynecologist suggested at my well woman visit that I lose some weight before I decide to try to get pregnant. A friend of mine was doing Atkins, so I thought I'd try that as well as start a workout series put out by Beachbody called Slim in 6. I lost 14 pounds in my 1st 2 weeks! I ended up losing those 20 pounds and then a couple more. Not too long after that, I became pregnant with our daughter. I had a previous miscarriage 2 months before my daughter was conceived, so in my mind I figured if I started to show then maybe it would help my mental state with this second pregnancy. So I ate. And mind you, it was not healthy. I ballooned to 187 pounds by the end of that pregnancy! People in the office building that I worked in at the time swore I was carrying twins. Looking back, I can't blame them. My daughter was a healthy 8 pounds and delivered via C-section.
After a light bout of post partum (and my daughter weaning herself), I was able to get back to eating healthy and losing weight. I went from 176 back to 128 in 4 months! Yup, doing Atkins and Slim in 6. By then I was also doing Turbo Jam (another Beachbody workout program) and I looked and felt so much better. A couple years later, my son came along. He was something else. There were multiple reasons as to why he was such a difficult baby, but back then I just thought he had colic and hated sleep. Again, I was up to 170 pounds after having him, miserable with myself (again) and stressed beyond belief. We had just moved to our house 50 miles away from friends and family, I missed my parents, the housing market crashed, my husband's job seemed like it was in jeopardy, my newborn hated to sleep by himself.....believe me, it was a stressful time that I don't like to remember. I cried, prayed and ate. Food is a comfort to me. It always has been, since I was a kid. I ran to food first, God second. It's funny because as I type this I know that God should be the first one I run to. At least that way I won't pack on extra calories. The summer of 2008, almost a year after having my son, I went on a family beach trip. I wore my maternity bathing suit because that's all I had that fit. My mom captured a picture of me and my daughter on the shore and that's when it hit me: I looked like I was still pregnant. I didn't want my kids to see me like that, so I went back on Atkins and, yes, you guessed it, Slim in 6. Three weeks later, I had lost 13 pounds and was getting compliments at my son's first birthday party. That good feeling snowballed into me being so motivated and on target that I was down to 121 pounds by that Christmas. That was the lightest I had been as an adult. That might have even been the lightest I had been since I weighed that much back in the 5th grade!
In 2009, we needed a little more cash flow in the house. I started Lil' Darlin' Accessories. That sucked up all my free time, whether it was designing, making inventory, marketing my products or vending at shows. My weight slowly started to creep back on as I, once again, put myself last. I kept up with that for almost 5 years, slowly burning myself out. Then the Beachbody opportunity came into my life. Long story short, here I am, a coach, still struggling with a healthy diet and making time to exercise. What's my point in all of this? I decided to step out of my comfort zone and share the real me. Yeah, sure, I post motivating posts and fun selfies on my Facebook, but behind it is so much more that I don't show. The ugly side that I try to hide. The side that hurts, that still medicates with food and finds excuses to not exercise all the while trying to get others to find their healthy side that lies within them. Once again, I put myself on the back burner in hopes to help others. I'm exposing this other side in hopes for me to be able to heal, to put my struggles out there for others to see that they aren't alone, that it is work and that it really IS worth the sweat and sacrifices. There is a way to health and being fit for life. It takes that first step; consider this my first step to a permanently better me. THIS IS ME.
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